Emotions are a natural part of life. They’re not negative or positive. They’re just signals trying to lead us in the right direction, based on our values and beliefs. This means that negative emotions are not a problem. Expressing them in the wrong way; now that's a problem.

There are 3 main approaches when it comes to dealing with negative emotions.

1) decoding their signals to discover what problems need solving,

2) expressing them in a socially acceptable way, and

3) expressing them in a healthy way that aligns with your values.

In this article, I’m going to focus on the first point, because it’s come to my attention that a staggering amount of people don’t even know that their emotions are trying to tell them something, let alone understand what those messages mean and how to respond to them.

When you realize you’re experiencing a negative emotion, there are a few questions you can ask yourself to clarify how you feel and why:

• What does this emotion tell me about myself, my values or my situation?
• Am I safe? If so, why am I reacting so strongly to this?
• Are there any immediate or long-term changes I can make to improve my situation?
• Is this a response to a past trauma that needs to be addressed or a present irritant?
• What is a socially acceptable way to respond to this feeling?
• Would talking to a friend (or professional) help offer some perspective or clarity?

Asking yourself these things as calmly as you can will initiate the process of validating and accepting your emotions. You are giving the situation the attention your brain wanted you to, which in and of itself will begin to lower the intensity of the negative emotions. Handling the situation with mindfulness (link to be here now article) will serve you better than panicking and over-reacting, because it will allow you to see the truth behind the stories you tend to tell yourself.

Usually we have 3 options when responding to our emotions:

• You can let the situation continue as it is.
• You can change the way you’re reacting to the situation.
• You can change the way you’re thinking about the situation.

My personal advice would be to change the way you’re thinking about the situation, because it’s the option that is most in your control, requires the least amount of effort or time, and has the most power to change the way you feel. More on that in a later article (and video).

Our emotions are yet another way that we’ve evolved to address our needs. Positive emotions like happiness, satisfaction, fulfilment tell us that our needs are being properly met. When we feel an intense negative emotion, like fear or sadness, it makes us aware of the fact that our needs are not being met and that prompts us to take appropriate action and address whatever need is in jeopardy.

Negative emotions are particularly intense because they’re trying to jolt us into action. They’re trying to prompt change. When you ignore or suppress your negative emotions, you dismiss their message and don’t take the necessary action to change what is wrong. This means you continue to feel unhappy. So it’s in your best interest to really feel your negative emotions. To give them the attention and appreciation they deserve, because they’re trying to help you be happy and healthy.

Here are 9 surprising things your negative emotions are trying to tell you:

When you feel it: Fear is meant to keep you safe. But in today's ultra-safe world, it sometimes goes too far. We no longer have natural predators to worry about on the daily, so we rarely fear for our life. Instead, we mainly experience fear as stress and anxiety over our living. You care what your boss thinks of you, because they control your salary and that in turn controls whether or not you will be able to afford food and shelter. It's just a modern take on fear for survival. However, you should remember that fear isn't always a reaction to an actual threat. Most of the time it's just in response to a perceived threat, which is just another word for imaginary. We think about all the horrible things that could happen, but probably won't, and then we experience that fear as stress, which prompts our fight or flight instincts. But because of the way Western society is set up at the moment, we experience these emotions constantly. And constant low-level stress can be detrimental to our health. 

What it's trying to tell you: Fear is trying to tell you that you are in a situation that might cause you harm, or that something might happen in the future that you need to be prepared for. But your brain gets confused sometimes and mistakes different for dangerous. It likes the comfort of things it already recognizes and knows how to process, because those things have been proven to work. They kept you alive so far, didn't they? When you do something different, even if it's in a positive direction, your brain freaks out. This new way of doing things hasn't yet been proven to be as safe as the old way, and it wants to keep you safe and comfortable, so it sends out the warning signal of fear to stop you and lead you back to what you know already works. This is a remarkable quality that allowed humans to survive all these years. But it needs to be overridden, if you logically know this fear is unfounded. As long as you take the necessary precautions, without overdoing it, you can rest assured trying something new won't lead to your death. Another reason you might be feeling overwhelmed is that you have unrealistic expectations you need to re-evaluate. In this case, the stress response might be trying to tell you that you are expecting too much from yourself or your situation and it's time to create more manageable goals.

When you feel it: Doubt and uncertainty are felt when your self-esteem is low and you imagine that your lack of knowledge or skill could lead to serious consequences. Confusion is sort of the opposite; felt when you have received way more information about the situation than you can cognitively handle and your mind is having a hard time piecing it all together in a coherent way. 

What they're trying to tell you: Doubt, confusion and uncertainty are all trying to tell you that you lack crucial information and need to learn or research more about the situation at hand, before coming to a conclusion. By using your reasoning and intuition to take the right step and by trusting your ability to research properly, you will soon learn to harness these feelings and only feel them when you actually lack data. Not just when people say you do.

When you feel it: Guilt and shame are experienced when you do or say something that isn't in alignment with your core values. It could also manifest as regret or disappointment. 

What it's trying to tell you: Guilt is trying to show you that you did something that wasn't congruent with your values. If you value honesty, and haven't been honest, your feelings of guilt will let you know that you either need to fix the situation by admitting the lie, or by resolving not to do it again. Shame is a similar emotion that signals your need to strengthen your self-esteem and to meet your own expectations. Sometimes our expectations are to meet other people's expectations, but their expectations aren't always going to be in alignment with what you hold important. So pay attention and make sure you are properly evaluating how much importance the opinion of others should actually hold for you. 

When you feel it: Anger is one of the most complicated emotions, because it often shows up as a safety net when we suppress other emotions - like shame, disappointment, fear, etc. Anger can be a response to feeling as though we are not being heard or respected. It manifests when we realize (either consciously or subconsciously) that something is blocking us from achieving one of our goals or we have expectations and needs that aren't currently being met to our satisfaction. If someone hurts us, criticizes us or blames us for something we didn't do, anger can bubble up to the surface in retaliation. Annoyance and frustration are subtle forms of anger, felt when you try unsuccessfully or ineffectively to get your needs met. Other forms anger can take are hurt, hatred and disgust. 

What it's trying to tell you: Either you're not getting what you want (you're being blocked in some way) or you are getting something that you don't want. It's telling you that you have an important rule or standard that is being violated. This might actually be happening or you might be wrongly perceiving that it is happening. You might need to set some boundaries, if someone in your life is crossing a line. You may need to acknowledge a vulnerable situation you have been going through and really sit with it. This will help you realize which of the other emotions is perhaps the real cause of this anger. They are a lot easier to address. If you realize that one of your core values (click here to determine your core values) is being compromised, take immediate action to realign with the things you consider important. Maybe you're angry because someone you know is doing something that goes against your values, in which case all you can do is communicate to them how you feel about that and hope they adjust accordingly. But if you're the one who is acting out of alignment with your values, that's a lot easier to rectify. 

Keep in mind: Anger is very good at causing us to act. When we're angry, our muscles tighten up (jaw tenses, fists clench, etc.) and we feel like energy is trying to force its way out of our body. This is why we sometimes end up pushing against something (or someone), stomping our feet, making noises, humphing or yelling. The purpose of anger is to get us out of helpless states that immobilize us (sadness, guilt) and thrust us into a state where we feel motivated enough to act and change whatever is wrong. Let anger be your ally. When you feel it, know it's trying to help you, because you've been less proactive than you need to be in order to get where you want to be.

When you feel it: Jealousy is experienced when you think someone will take what you have. Envy is experienced when you want what others have; when you think other people are luckier, happier, richer, smarter or better than you.

What it's trying to tell you: They're both a signal to focus on improving yourself and your own life and stop wasting time on worrying about others. Also, they're both related to and caused by insecurity, which is experienced when you lack self-belief, self-worth and self-esteem. You are not confident that you are good enough to do, be or have something and it makes you think you don't deserve it. It's a signal to work on self-improvement and self-concept. I also have 3 videos that contain advice specific to addressing these emotions. You can find them here. It's telling you that either something needs to change or your perception of it does. Either way, you need to develop a specific skill that you don’t currently have in your arsenal. You need more information, understanding, strategies, tools and/or confidence. This is a very positive signal, because it moves you to learn, grow and contribute to others.

When you feel it: We experience disgust when we see, smell or touch something that we perceive as harmful to our physical well-being. 

What it's trying to tell you: Disgust tells us that something is bad for us; unhealthy for our bodies or our mental state. Cockroaches disgust us because they carry diseases that can make us sick. Rotten food disgusts us because it can make us sick, too. Corpses disgust us because they signal danger of imminent death. People who hold dangerous beliefs disgust us because we can feel they are somehow endangering the stability of our society. So when you feel disgust, figure out what it's directed toward and use logic and reasoning to determine whether it's a knee-jerk reaction caused by beliefs you were brought up with, or if there is actually a nugget of truth there and you best remove yourself from the vicinity. 

When you feel it: Sadness is derived from loss. Whether you're sad because your ice-cream fell on the floor (you have lost the chance to eat it) or because your significant other left you (you have lost the chance to spend quality time with them), the feeling is always proof that whatever you lost meant a lot to you. Depression is experienced when you see your problems as permanent. It's a magnified version of sadness and instead of feeling the heaviness in the chest, tension around the jaw, heat and pressure in the throat and tears in the eyes, you instead experience a general shut-down of all emotion. You experience a numbing of your emotional mechanisms, which is meant to protect you from the overload you felt in the past. Overwhelming stress, sadness, anger, etc. can all have devastating effects on the physical body, so when it becomes too much, depression numbs the pain. But then it becomes a pain and stress in and of itself, because deep down you recognize that emotions are necessary and when you don't have them, you're unable to solve problems with the same level of efficiency.

What it's trying to tell you: Sadness is a signal that something means a lot to you. Your job is to determine why. What were you getting from that item, situation or person that you are no longer getting? Is there a way to get it elsewhere? Is it necessary to even get it at all? Can whatever it is be received or manufactured in a different way altogether? Whatever the case may be, the message is to gather the necessary data and get out of your current situation to improve your life. Depression is a signal that you have allowed too much to pile up and these things need to finally be addressed properly. Your brains wants you to stop being helpless and to take control. The best way to start is to find meaning in your life. Once you have determined your values and you know what's important to you, then you can start taking steps in that direction. 

When you feel it: You experience loneliness and isolation when you perceive that you are being abandoned by your loved ones and society in general. As pack animals, humans have evolved to crave social interaction, because it was imperative that we stay together to survive. We still need each other to create things we can't or don't have time to do ourselves, but it's not as overt as it used to be, so sometimes we wonder why we feel this way. Especially if we're introverts. 

What it's trying to tell you: Loneliness tells you that your need for companionship and connection is not being met.  Since you are the only one responsible for your happiness, loneliness is prompting you to reach out and take action to connect. Waiting for others to come to you and not reaching out actively to satisfy your need for closeness will eventually cause you to doubt yourself and lose self-esteem. 

When you feel it: Boredom and monotony are felt when your brain isn't receiving enough stimulation to keep itself occupied. We need a certain level of mental stimulation to remain sane and cognisant, so when we don't get it, we feel awkward and uneasy, resulting in emotions of boredom. Monotony is more specific. It's felt when you have reached a point where the stimulation you're receiving no longer teaches you anything new. Your brain wants to continue to grow and learn, and it feels bad when it does the same thing over and over again.

What it's trying to tell you: Boredom tells you that challenge and growth are not occurring.  When you ignore your need for challenge and growth, your self-esteem suffers and you cease to be adaptable to the changing world around you, leaving you susceptible to dangerous changing conditions you won't be able to react well to. 

Now that's enough about our negative emotions. It's time to learn about our positive ones. You might think you already know all there is to know about positive emotions - especially if you believe that happiness is an end goal rather than a fleeting state. So I challenge you to open your mind and see if you can learn something new about these emotions we all sometimes take for granted. Click here, to be taken to that post.

Try to put this knowledge to practical use in your own life and I guarantee you it will make you happier than you ever imagined you could be. I know it might seem hard when you first start off, so feel free to ask questions in the comments below or to even send me a message. If you want, you can also book a complimentary breakthrough session to see how I can help you out through Skype. The first one’s free!

If you want more videos with free happiness tips, visit my YouTube channel and subscribe! Each video comes with an article like this one to help you put the strategy into practice.

If you’re looking for more free ways to create a happier life for yourself, click here for self-help resources. There are three books there I particularly recommend. The second one is my favourite and it personally transformed my life!

See you next Sunday! Until then, remember: Happiness doesn’t require energy. It requires Strategy.