Now, allow me to give you my favourite ways of changing how you feel by changing how you speak.

1. When you’re talking about something exciting, use the most exciting word you know. Don’t smooth over your positive experiences, because you’ll be selling yourself short, and making yourself subconsciously less likely to feel excitement in the future. If you want to try this for yourself, write down 3 words you use regularly that flatten your positive experiences (e.g. I’m fine, okay, alright) and then 3 words to replace them with, which inspire you and are more capable of intensifying your positive experience (e.g. I feel incredible, astonishing, excellent). You don’t have to lie. Just make sure you’re not downplaying your true feelings. Search your inner dictionary for the word that best matches your emotional state at any given time. Besides, what’s the harm in saying “I’m doing brilliant” rather than “I’m doing alright”? It makes you feel better and forces your mind to think of all the reasons why you feel brilliant. It helps you get into the affirmed state. Aim to eliminate words like “so-so”, “decent”, “pretty good” and the like from your vocabulary and replace them with more powerful words that have the ability to more accurately describe your state.

2. Write down 3 words you use regularly that make you feel disempowered (e.g. hate, depressed, starving) and replace them with words that smooth over that experience (e.g. dislike, upset, peckish). This will make them sound like they’re not as big a deal as they could be. For example, “I’m bored to death!” could become “I’m a little bit bored”. Instead of saying “I’m starving!” you could say “I’m a tad peckish”. This tricks your brain into thinking it’s less of a tragedy than we initially thought and then we can more rationally react without stress or rush.

3. To really make the most of strategic vocabulary and lower the intensity of your negative feelings, switch out disempowering words with funny ones that make you think twice about the state you are in. Instead of saying “I’m completely enraged by what you did!” say “I’m feeling slightly peeved by your actions”. Not only will you probably laugh at how silly it sounds, but the person you’re talking to will also think it sounds strange and will be less likely to become defensive. Don’t use the word hate when you don’t actually hate something. If you merely feel slightly irritated by it, why use a word that will make your body react more intensely negative? When you overuse the word hate, it raises the intensity of your negative emotional states unnecessarily. Saying you hate your job, or hair your nose can make you feel intensely emotional about something that isn’t that important. It would make you feel way better if you were to say “I prefer something else” instead. Changing just one key word from highly emotional to slightly irritating can make all the difference in how we feel and react. This works well when we communicate with others, too. How differently would your partner behave if you said “I’m a little concerned about this behaviour” rather than “You make me furious when you do this!”? One sentence will inspire them to work with you to help fix the situation, whereas the other will put them in a defensive position and might even cause a fight. Use words that make you laugh so you can break your habit/pattern. When you use words that are a little silly, it helps everyone involved smile a little and even though the situation still needs to be handled, you are all way better equipped to handle it when you’re in a better frame of mind than when you’re angry at each other’s throats. What would you react better to: “well this ruffles my feathers a tad” or “it’s driving me crazy!”? So make a list of some of the words you use that trigger really negative emotions and then a list of words you could replace them with that are sort of related, but sound silly and downplay or smooth over the negativity of the experience.

4. Make sure you use your body language wisely. Using one word, but reacting as though you’re using another matters more than you’d think. Refer to my physiology video for more details on why.

5. A limited vocabulary limits the way you can think and react to certain situations, as well as how your body reacts physically. Make an effort to learn one new word or phrase a day and to use it at least 3 times during that day. Eventually you will end up with a vast vocabulary that enables you to pick from a larger pool of words and phrases to describe your experience.

6. It’s hard to catch yourself using negative words and phrases. If you do, you can stop yourself, even mid-sentence, and reframe your statements in positive terms. But if you’re finding it difficult, ask for assistance. Let your friends and family know you want to develop a more positive outlook, starting with the way you speak. Some of them will be happy to help. You can not only ask a trusted loved one to give you private feedback whenever you slip into negative language, but also when you successfully use positive language, so you can become more conscious of the messages you’re sending. If you’re struggling to think of an alternative way to say something, they may give you a different way of looking at things. People are usually pleased to be asked to help, and become vested in supporting your development. This enables you to have constructive and timely feedback to help you to become more conscious of how you communicate. Positive feedback is also affirming when you are trying to change a habit – it is not an easy task.
7. This is another way to monitor the vocabulary you use, only it’s easier, because you can edit your communications before sharing them. Take a minute to review your emails, text messages, diary entries, blog posts, and social media updates and see if you can reword negative statements and phrases to make them positive. Then, go through what you've written and look for negative words: can't, don't, shouldn't, won't, and no. Rewrite sentences that contain negative words and reframe them in a more positive context.
8. This can help you notice your body language as well as your verbal language. You might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but it is worth persevering to help you get a clearer picture of how other people see you and what they hear.

9. This might require some practice and a little persistence, coz habits can be hard to break, but start intentionally using the language of privilege rather than duty. The first expression (i.e., I have to do it) is the language of duty. Nothing wrong with that, but all too often we say it with a sigh, like it’s a sentence—or as though we’re a victim. The second expression (i.e., I get to do it) is the language of privilege. It’s as if we have been given a gift and we’re happy about it. This subtle shift may seem small, but it has had a big impact on your attitude. “I have to write this article” implies you are dreading it and didn’t choose to do it. “I get to write this article” implies you consider it a privilege and you’re grateful for the opportunity. What a privilege to have readers that actually care what I have to say. It makes a huge different in your attitude. Rather than dreading or resenting an activity, you become thankful for it. And the more gratitude we express, the better we feel and perform. It will give you several distinct advantages, especially at work. Watch this video on the benefits of gratitude for more details.

10. Nothing helps you notice your actions, thoughts, words and emotions better than mindfulness. This video explains how practising present-mindedness can enhance your life in a multitude of ways. One of those ways is that it makes it easier for you to notice your habits. The little things you usually say and do automatically, without conscious thought. By developing a meditation routine, you can become so attuned to your body and mind and how they work together and apart that changing any one of your habits will be an easy switch.

A word of caution: Don't try to eliminate negative words from your vocabulary completely. While working positive language into your thinking, speaking, and writing is healthy, avoiding or ignoring the negative can be a form of denial. This is about becoming conscious of using more accurate words to describe your living experience, not turning a blind eye to the negativity that exists. If we ignore the negativity that’s there, we can’t fix it, so it’s important to be aware, but also in control, so it can’t affect us without our knowledge.

If you don’t like the results you’re getting when you communicate with people at work or at home, notice the words you’re using and change them to words that you believe might give you a different reaction. If you lower your own negative intensity, it will make the person you’re talking to more comfortable and willing to help. If you raise your positive intensity, it will make the other person more inspired and energized as well. Try it and see for yourself how astounding the results can be just by changing the words you use and the way you choose to say them.

Try out these tips and if you’re still having trouble, ask in the comments below or send me a message, or book a complimentary breakthrough session to see how I can personally help you out.

If you haven’t watched the video that comes with this article, scroll back to the top of this page. It explains (topic)! If you want more videos with free happiness tips, visit my YouTube channel and subscribe! Each video comes with an article like this one to help you put its strategy into practice.

If you’re looking for more free ways to create a happier life for yourself, click here for self-help resources. There are three books there I particularly recommend. The second one is my favourite and it personally transformed my life!

See you next Sunday! Until then, remember: Happiness doesn’t require energy. It requires Strategy.