Once you’ve watched it, move on to discover 12 ways to cut unfavourable comparisons out of your life forever:

The best way to stop comparing yourself to other people is to start getting used to comparing your past self with your present self. That way your comparisons are motivating you and leading you in a positive direction, instead of causing you grief and making you stuck. When you catch yourself comparing yourself to another person, stop and re-direct the thought by asking yourself the following questions:

• What negative behaviour have you stopped engaging in, that you never thought you could quit?
• What positive behaviour have you been engaging in that up until now, you have resisted?
• How has your life improved compared to last year?
• How have you improved as a person?
• What are you doing today that you could not have done a year (or more) ago?
• What new decisions have you made or what new actions have you taken that have resulted in you moving in a new direction in your life?
• How are you doing more of what you said you were going to do for your own success?
• How have you continued to become a new and improved version of yourself?

Instead of asking yourself if you’re making more money than your neighbour, ask yourself if you’re making more money now than you were last year. Instead of comparing your career to the careers of the people you went to high school with, ask yourself if you have more job satisfaction now than you did the year before. As long as you’re making progress, who cares how everyone else is doing. Instead of competing with others, compete with yourself. This habit has the benefit of creating appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe how far you have come.

You can make this habit stick by taking a few minutes every day or week to write in a journal how much you’ve grown, how much closer you are to your goals, what you have overcome and what you’ve learned. And while you’re at it, make a note of every thought you have comparing yourself to others, so you can keep track of them and notice any patterns that could help you figure out their origins. By doing so, your thinking will start to shift and your thought patterns will become more focused on comparing you to you rather than to others.

As I said in my video, people only post about the highlights of their life. You rarely, if ever, see their struggles and their tedium. Sometimes they exaggerate - or even lie. The pictures can be doctored. But even if these people are being completely open and honest, your values probably don’t align with theirs precisely. If you had what they have, chances are you wouldn’t be 100% happy anyway. Besides, they themselves might not be happy in the first place. There are so many variables. So just focus on your own values, goals and progress. The easiest way to do that is to follow as few people as possible on social media. Or at least not follow those who tend to over-share things that bring up these insecure feelings for you.

Limit the time you spend on social media websites, or stop altogether. If you don’t want to completely delete your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram account, then limit the time you spend on them each day and disable automatic push notifications. Remember that even small amounts of exposure can lead to negative comparative thinking. While you’re at it, try to avoid any other media that portray “ideal” images. Fashion magazines, reality TV, music videos and the “news” can all impact your self-image negatively, if you’re not careful.

You may wish you had the perfect career and a lot of money like your friend John, or the good looks of your friend Mary, or a wonderful romantic relationship like Helen. But when you look at their lives more objectively, you’ll see that John has health problems and family issues, Mary is actually insecure about her looks and works very hard to look a certain way, and it took Helen a painful divorce and many failed relationships before she found a compatible partner. Looking at them from a more balanced perspective, you’ll realize there’s always more than meets the eye. They’re all human beings with their own share of challenges, just like you. So there’s no point in wanting what they have. Besides, they probably want something that you have as well.

We all realize that we have enough and can be happy with what we have when we practise gratitude. When you think about all the things you do have – the people you love, the skills you’ve learnt and the blessings you’ve been given – you’ll feel happier and more secure in this happiness. You won’t feel the need to constantly compare yourself to someone else and you’ll see things from a more balanced perspective. If you'd like more detailed instructions on how to develop an attitude of gratitude, click here to watch the related video or here to read the article. 

In order to appreciate what you have, you must first become aware of it. Comparing yourself to others is something that comes naturally. It happens without conscious effort, so the only way to override it and notice your own blessings is to become more conscious. This sort of awareness can be developed through mindfulness and a basic way to cultivate mindfulness is through meditation. But it’s not the only way. Click here to watch my video on mindfulness or here to discover 5 easy ways to be more mindful. Once you find the things you’re already good at, you can start to build on those skills and strengthen them even more. Celebrate them and be proud of them, without becoming boastful. Alternatively, you might choose to focus on the things you are not yet good at and try to improve.

No one’s perfect and you wouldn’t want to be, because as I said in this video, having problems to solve and something to constantly improve on is part of the formula for happiness. When you berate yourself for not being flawless, you create unnecessary suffering. When you recognize that it’s life’s imperfect moments and imperfect people that make it so wonderful, you’ll not only accept, but also appreciate your so-called “faults”. Life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on a journey, to find something, to become something, to learn, to create. That journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go. That’s all you need to worry about.

I know it sounds cliché, but you are one of a kind and unique things cannot be compared to anything. There is no one else exactly like you, so comparing yourself to anyone would be a dishonour to your individuality. When you compare yourself to others you’re basically saying you should be more like them. But if that were true, if we were really all meant to be the same, we would have been made to be that way to begin with. Life is about being the best that you can be, not about trying to become someone you’re not. So instead of comparing yourself to someone else, focus on becoming a better version of yourself and living up to your potential.

Life isn’t a level playing field, so it’s not really fair to make comparisons.

• We begin at different starting lines. Someone born to a wealthy family with college educated parents kind of has a head start over someone born to poorly educated parents living on welfare.
• We’re each running a different obstacle course. Think of two obstacle courses: one has 5 obstacles on it and the other has 20 obstacles on it. It’s much easier to run the first obstacle course.
• We don’t all get the same breaks. Some people step out of law school and walk straight into cushy jobs at a law firm where their mother or father is a partner. That’s certainly not a break most people get. You can’t really compare yourself to people who have gotten more breaks than you.

Because you are incomparable, your journey is also incomparable. The path that you follow toward your destination doesn’t have to be the same path that someone else is following, even if you’re both trying to arrive at the same place.

Maybe the reason your path is longer is:

• You’re more curious than they are, and you got off the main path a few times to go take a look at something that caught your eye.
• You’re bolder and more adventurous than they are. Perhaps they wanted to go down a different route a few times, but they were too scared to do it, so they missed out on some great experiences.
• You’re taking the time to smell the roses. You’ll both end up at the same place, but although your journey will take longer, it will also be more enjoyable.

You’ll get there when the time is right for you. When you do get to where they are, you’ll be a better-rounded person, and you’ll have better stories to tell.

Make sure that when you do measure how well you’re doing, that you measure the things that are important to you, instead of applying the metrics that others think are important. In order to know what your metrics should be, you need to first know what your values are. Click here for a test that will help you determine your values, if you haven’t already.

If you notice there are certain people who are doing better than you, use this as inspiration to try harder yourself. Use them as role models. Ask yourself: What are they doing that I’m not? How can I learn from them? How can I replicate their success? Don’t put yourself down for not doing it like them. Instead, focus on keeping what could serve you and ignoring what won’t.

Like I said in this video (or this one), unconditional love has a way of solving every problem. It’s the same in this instance. If you can learn to love yourself unconditionally, you will stop comparing yourself unfavourably to others. If you learn to love others unconditionally, you will no longer compare yourself to them in ways that put them down. This helps you stop judging and criticising and also changes how you behave. Not to mention it shifts your focus from how you are lacking in value to how you are capable of adding more value to the world. Your self-esteem might be contributing to your positive or negative evaluations, so it’s important to assess where you are in this regard, and to differentiate between self-love and self-esteem.

 CONCLUSION

At the end of the day, if you want to be happy and content with who you are, you need to realize that your survival doesn’t hinge on being the same as everyone else. Maybe it used to, back when humans were still living in caves, but not anymore. In fact, the forward motion of societal and technological innovation both rely on people who dare to be themselves. Whether or not you and Bob have the same amount of money doesn’t matter. Do you have enough to feed yourself, pay the bills and have a little fun on the side? Then you have enough and comparing yourself to anyone else is pointless.

Furthermore, it’s important to stop comparing yourself to anyone – even your past self – using what you feel society expects of you and what you feel you should have achieved by now. You can only be happy, if you use your own values and consciously choose metrics that are in line with those values and make sense for your life. To get your focus in the right place ask yourself the following questions: When you imagine yourself at the end of your life looking back at what you’ve done, what will be the experiences and accomplishments that will have been most important to you? What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of relationships do you want to have? What do you want people to remember about you? Use these personal values as the barometer upon which you compare your past self to your present one, rather than the accomplishments of those around you.

Happiness comes from appreciating what’s in front of you, not from wishing you were doing something else. You find out what life is about by paying closer attention to it, not by wishing you were living a fantasy someone else told you was cool. Always remember that. At the end of the day, comparison results from insecurity and that’s what it will always trigger when you do it, so break free and start living the life you were always meant to live!

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE...

Try out the above tips and if you’re still having trouble, ask for help in the comments below, send me a message, or book a complimentary breakthrough session to see how I can help you out.

You can find more free videos with happiness tips on my YouTube channel, so subscribe to make sure you never miss an episode!

If you’re looking for more free ways to create a happier life for yourself, click here for self-help resources. There are three books there I particularly recommend. The second one is my favourite and it personally transformed my life!

I’ll see you next Sunday! Until then, remember: Happiness doesn’t require energy. It requires Strategy.