Sometimes we misremember our past as better or worse than it actually was, which further distorts our expectations for the present and future. This type of expectation can be mitigated by being present-minded. Mindfulness has the power to take the past and future out of our minds, leaving only the present moment. For instructions on how to develop this technique, click here.

We humans evolved to use others as a frame of reference, to make sure we’re on the right track in life. Unfortunately, this survival mechanism has gotten a little out of hand since the industrial revolution. We now live in huge societies that are all interconnected, so there’s a never-ending supply of people we can compare ourselves to. This effectively means we’re guaranteed to find at least one person who is better than us at something. And this can seriously upset us, if we’re not careful.

The solution is to practise being grateful for what we have. Gratitude has the power to soften our sorrow upon hearing that we’re not the best. It’s a rare trait to have, but thankfully it’s simple to learn, if you just follow these 10 easy steps.  

TV, social media and our general way of life all tend to reward people on the extreme end of the bell curve of human existence. Those at the very top (the smartest, the prettiest, the richest, etc.) become super popular because everyone wants to be them. Those as the very bottom also get a heap of attention, simply because no one wants to be them. Those of us who find ourselves somewhere in the middle (a.k.a. the vast majority of the human race) feel unworthy of attention, and because we’re raised being told we’re special, we expect to be closer to the more superior end of the spectrum.

A surprising answer to this problem that none of us want to accept is to embrace our inherent mediocrity. As tedious and discouraging as that may sound, I can guarantee you it has the astounding power to increase our happiness by lowering our expectations. Click here for more information on how to achieve this unspeakable mindset of accepting yourself exactly as you are.

Fear is actually a form of low expectations. It happens when we expect horrible things are going to occur and we believe it with such intensity that it becomes our new reality, even if those scary thoughts never actually come to pass. This is a mixture of thinking about the past and the future at the same time. We remember negative experiences from our past and so we project those onto our future. As such, a very effective way to stop these expectations from occurring is to practise mindfulness, so that you’re always in the present. However, if your fears are strong enough to be borderline phobias, you may have to take matters into your own hands and attempt to overcome them. I have spoken in the past about techniques based on cognitive behavioural therapy that have been proven to help get over any fear. Click here to try this technique for yourself. That page also includes a technique based on neurolinguistic programming, if that’s more your flavour of healing.  

A lot of people confuse goals, plans, dreams and purpose with “expectations”. But they are all very different concepts. A dream is a wish you feel strongly about making come true. A goal is a dream you’re taking concrete steps to achieve. A plan is a smaller version of a goal. Many plans are necessary to see a goal through. And A purpose is the back-bone of it all. Without a purpose, none of the above have any value. Because – by definition – your purpose is defined by your values. It’s your WHY, the reason you have the dreams you do and the reason you pursue your goals by devising particular plans.

But expectations are something else entirely. Some people expect greatness to be handed to them without putting forth any effort whatsoever. This kind of entitlement leads them to disregard the need for goals and plans. They may still have dreams, but they do nothing to make them a reality.

If you would like to identify your values and to more clearly define your purpose, click here. This article will lead you step by step through a process that can gently help you see what matters most to you in a way that inspires you to take action, instead of merely waiting for something to happen to you.

Try out these tips out for the next week or so. If you’re still finding it too hard to do, ask for help in the comments below, send me a message, or book a FREE breakthrough session and I’ll help you through Skype.

You can find more Happiness Strategy videos on my YouTube channel, so subscribe to make sure you never miss an episode! I come out with a new one every single Sunday.

Until next time, remember: Happiness doesn’t require energy. It requires Strategy.